Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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