Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
