I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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