Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
