I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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