I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
