I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
