Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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