You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
