yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
