he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
