I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
