I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
