my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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