sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
