So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
