Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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