why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
PANTIES FOUND
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