She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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