I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
