There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
did i just pee glitter
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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