What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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