Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't put those talents on a resume
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
