My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
