and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
