I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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