Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
