I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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