you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
