u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
