Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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