I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
