my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
