he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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