yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
