Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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