Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
