Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize