i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
