WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we're making bets on your personal life
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
