dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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