She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
