grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
