Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize