I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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