I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
