and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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