I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
