Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
