that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
