I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
