its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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