Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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