he shaved USA in his pubs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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