Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
