I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
