no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
