I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
