I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
