life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you made out with another girl for some wings
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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