Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
