Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
