1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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