Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
