Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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