whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
