doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
