I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
