Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
